This week Amanda shares with us her experience of multiple miscarriages, how she found hope, and her long-awaited miracle.
We know not everyone has the happy ending Amanda does, and even if you do, it doesn’t irradicate the years of hurt. If you can relate to the feelings of loss and brokenness Amanda speaks of as she shares her story, IPAC wants to be a safe place where you can begin to process those feelings and journey towards healing and wholeness.
“Hi, my name is Amanda.
I have been a born again Christian for almost 19 years this October.
Over 15 years ago my husband and I decided it was time for us to start trying for our second child. We already had a beautiful daughter who was five at the time. The first few months into the pregnancy went very well but when I got to around 23 weeks and went for my scan, to my deepest sadness there was no heartbeat. I’d had a missed miscarriage, which is when you lose the baby but you don’t know as there is no loss of blood. Sadly this meant I had to go and deliver the baby.
I was totally distraught – broken in two. I was so scared to even look at the child. I just remember the midwife saying a little boy…
It took a lot for me to recover. It was really only the strength from God and my family that helped me. My faith and family were everything to me as although they couldn’t change my situation, they brought me comfort.
As time went on we decided to try again. Sadly three months in I began to bleed, and we sadly lost our baby again.
We tried again two more times after that, but to our great sadness we lost both in the early stages…
By now we were both so broken and decided we should leave it and not try anymore. It broke my heart though. I worked in childcare which made it harder. Every time I saw a newborn I breaking inside.
My faith took a big hit at this time, and I fell into deep depression. A huge cloud was over me all the time for a few years.
I continued in my faith though, even though it was hard, and pressed on. Over time the Lord healed me from the depression., and I could think about trying again…
After seven years of not trying for a baby I made a request at the end of my bed on my knees before the Lord. I said “Lord, if it isn’t your will for me to have another child, I’ll move on and be thankful for our daughter. But if it’s your will, let me know.”
The next morning my husband said to me, “I had a dream last night that it’s time for us to have another baby”. I was overjoyed! My husband never knew about my prayer but God sure did!
Three months after he had the dream I conceived and the pregnancy was perfect all the way through.
We had a baby girl names Nayahma which means graciousness, preciousness and loveliness. At the time of writing, she is now seven years old and such a happy young lady.
We are so thankful for the healing it brought to us all. God does and can restore, and brings joy where there was mourning in many different way. I learned through this to keep holding on and never give up.”